ASHLAND -- And now, in the finest tradition of holiday storytelling, we at the Ashland Main Street Players present you with “The Princess and the Prime”.
Once up on a time, in a kingdom right here, there lived a princess named Amy. Now Amy was a very busy princess. Not only did she have her own kingdom to run, but she was helping to run the kingdom next door while they were looking for a new princess.
On top of that, her twin was running a third kingdom, and Amy helped her out whenever she could, which had been a lot lately, because, you know, the holidays.
Then, just when Amy was ready to move on to her next task (Griswold-ing the castle for Christmas) she got sick. Then the prince got sick, her castle-mates got sick; December is a doozy of cooties.
Finally, Princess Amy got a chance to look at her calendar and realized: "Holy reindeer! Santa, it’s almost Christmas, and she hasn’t gotten her shopping done. What is a girl to do?"
Now, Princess Amy’s first thought was to go online to summon the Dragons of Amazon, and see if she could order all her presents through them.
Their banners proclaimed they could get everything to her castle by December 24, and she had only heard of one or ten other castles being let down in Christmases past.
She wasn’t a member of their League of Prime, but the allure of free delivery was like a siren song, especially with a week to go until the 25.
Would the gifts all be here in time for Christmas? Would the delivery date say the 24, and then she would get an e-mail that said bad news, they weren’t coming until January 6?
She needed to finish her Christmas shopping, but she really didn’t like being so uncertain about the delivery times. She sat at her computer, debating whether to trade some gold coins for gifts under the tree by Christmas (fingers crossed).
Then, her twin popped in. She told Amy that right in the center of her kingdom there was a magical place where every present your family and friends could ever want is available, and can be acquired without relying on the US Postal Dragons, who, in their defense, are flying through snow right now, without benefit of a sleigh.
In this magical land all the presents arrive early, because you buy them, put them in your bag, and take them home with you.
“This place does indeed sound magical.” said Princess Amy. “And the people there- I assume they must guard their treasures closely if they are so incredible and accessible.”
“Oh no!” replied her twin. “This groovy place, which is called ‘Downtown Ashland’, is full of happy merchants who not only want you to buy their wares, but offer events and activities to make it fun to shop. Why, they’ll even have Christmas cookies this weekend.”
“Christmas cookies,” exclaimed Princess Amy. “That does sound wonderful. And you tell me I don’t have to offer a sacrifice to the postal dragons to ensure my packages arrive safely and in a timely manner?”
“Of course not, silly. You’re carrying them home yourself. Even though Sir Kirk of the UPSians is a true and faithful knight, he has many packages to deliver at this time and we cannot burden him more. The hour is short, my twin; let us purchase your gifts and have them home at the castle and ready before the weekend."
And so they did. Princess Amy and her twin went shopping in downtown Ashland.
They picked up everything they needed in one day, and had it all in hand, too.
Without having to worry about delivery on the 24 before 8 p.m., they were able to leisurely wrap their presents, finish decorating, get all their groceries, attend three more meetings of the castle, and even have a tipple of grog.
They were able to wake up ready to greet the entire kingdom on Christmas Day, secure in knowing their Christmas shopping was complete. They were so refreshed from the ease and lack of worry while shopping downtown that they had plenty of time to clean up and prepare for Princess Amy’s Big Birthday That Ends in a Zero, just a few days later and with more presents purchased in downtown Ashland, of course.
Friends, we welcome you to join us in the magical land of Downtown Ashland, where the fairytale of a perfect, stress-free shopping experience can come true for you, too.
Many thanks to Princess Amy, who won’t know she is starring in this fairytale until she reads this article. Surprise.